I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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