and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
