My first STD was from a foam party
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
