First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
