Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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