Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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