Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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