No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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