I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
