i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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