I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
