Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
