there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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