no, he came in my armpit
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
