Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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