Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
