everyone is single if you try hard enough
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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