so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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