It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
