I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
