Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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