No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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