I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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