Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
