Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
