Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
