My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
