the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
