with your own penis?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
