she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
