too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
