so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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