Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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