I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you didnt know i had herpes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
