saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
