I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
