You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
