i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
