when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
