my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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