Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
