Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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