Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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