Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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