i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
