Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
