walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
