Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
