the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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