There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
