Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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