I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
