Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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