I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
