no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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