before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
