he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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