How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
